


Soft Skeletons

by mamodewberry



Category: Free!
Genre: Coming Out, First Time, Fluff and Smut, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Not Safe for Melon, Post-Series, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, rin's life lessons, sousuke is not a certified therapist, unrealistic healing don't try at home
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-06
Updated: 2015-05-06
Packaged: 2018-03-29 08:22:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3889255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mamodewberry/pseuds/mamodewberry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Forever sentimental Rin. Never change.</p><p>~</p><p>This was written as a “What are Rin and Sousuke up to?” during my MakoHaru <strike>fic I’m close to start posting</strike> <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/5126576/chapters/11795408">Wait for Me</a>. It could also be read as a one-shot as knowledge of one doesn’t affect the other, other than they got together and Sousuke is going with Rin to Australia. I really enjoy me some SouRin, so here is me experimenting with them.</p><p>Mature rating is for mild sexual content, language and vague rape references. I purposefully didn’t make it graphic, but, here’s a warning just in case.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Soft Skeletons

Admitting he was sentimental was something he didn’t out loud. It went hand in hand with being romantically-hearted and minded (he sadly couldn’t claim he was roman _tic_ , as a few months being with Sousuke proved, his smooth talking debonaire was all in his head and Sousuke was more often laughing or foiling his advances than being seduced. Rin was usually the one being reduced to a flustered mess if any awards were given for Failed Expectations in the Life of Matsuoka Rin. It wasn’t fair. Yamazaki Sousuke wasn’t fair.)

Maybe because he didn’t want to think about his return from Australia in his second year of high school and how angry and bitter at the world he was. What he did like to remember, was what lead up to it and the healing process after. He liked how objects and places could bring him back to a point in time or train of thought.

Australia was full of sentimental value.

It began as a place out of reach until he was old enough to participate in a home-stay program. He studied a language and learned of another culture to one day fit in to achieve the goal his father never could. It was the first time he flew on a plane and visited foreign soil and waters. He gained a father that taught him the fundamentals of being a man with the absence of his biological one. A second mother that was more willing to cut the apron strings. He came to appreciate nature. Got to have a dog. Thoughts of his family and friends across the ocean gave strength. The satisfaction of working hard and feeling exhausted afterwards. He learned to love and trust people.

He learned that not everyone deserves to be trusted. Teammates are not always kind. Adults will take advantage of your naivete. Puberty is cruel. It’s not wise to display what is precious; he became guarded. Hard work does not always equate success. He experienced failure. Parents cannot give you victory or erase lingering filth, presently or across an ocean. Friends will hurt you. Goals exist to give you purpose.

Returning home after crushed hopes and dreams is terrifying. Nobody understands what it’s like, and no one will unless you tell them, but you don’t want them to know how weak you are. Lashing out doesn’t help. Avoidance is worse.

Intervention is needed. Those that care will not let go. Hold on to those. Keep the childhood promises. Don’t give up on your dreams. Success is about picking yourself up and trying over and over again. Start anew and use the pain and the hurt to push you forward.

To start over, he wanted to go back to where he originally began. A year later he was ready to work harder. Now with Haru sharing the same dream, he wanted to achieve it that much more.

He hadn’t calculated Sousuke into Round Two.

A game of Truth or Dare gone terribly, horribly wrong and a very touchy coach left Rin thinking a relationship would be too painful to pursue. Being an athlete made keeping one difficult to impossible, anyway. He wanted to rely on that to prevent him from picking that scab. It’d healed enough to not keep him awake at night or prevent him from giving or receiving hugs, but when Sousuke’s hands wandered from his face (no one had kissed him, then), it bled out.

He was the exotic Japanese kid and his Australian teammates and their girlfriends just wanted to have some fun. The smart thing to do would have been to put up a bigger struggle, but he feared what they’d do. He wanted to tell his coach, then he questioned if they’d be punished at all. Tattling was for babies. He didn’t tell Russell or Lori about it. Not his mother or Gou. Definitely not Sousuke.

Rin cursed at the reveal of his secret.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

He combed his bangs back with his fingers, not meeting the teal stare, only for the hair to fall back into place. “Because it was stupid and only happened the once. Telling anyone wouldn’t have done anything back then as it would now. Nothing would change. It happened. It’s done.”

Most arguments Sousuke knew when Rin wanted the subject to be dropped. This was one of those instances, but he wasn’t going to back down, not with the way he shuddered at his touch.

“‘Stupid’ isn’t what I’d use.”

“Pathetic?”

“Rin-”

“I thought I’d gotten over it, honestly. I was fine until…”

Sousuke looked at his hands and clenched them. “Until I set you off.”

“Stop that,” he nudged his hands with his knees. “Don’t say it like it’s your fault.”

“Maybe if you’d told me about this before, I would have done something different.”

“I’m not fragile, Sou. I don’t want to be treated like I am, either.”

“Do you want to break up?”

“Hell no! Why is that your first solution?”

“If you don’t want to be fragile and you don’t want me to touch you and both of us are all or nothing personalities, what’s the point?”

“Who said I don’t want you to touch me?”

With a sigh, Sousuke rubbed Rin’s jeaned, upper thigh and his throat constricted, a sharp breath escaping.

Lowering his elbows to rest on his knees, Rin palmed his brows in both hands. “Shit,” he muttered, waiting for faces and hard, tanned hands to drift out of sight..

“Do you feel guilty?” Sousuke asked after some silence.

“Over if I enjoyed it? Definitely not.”

“Then?”

“More along the lines of I probably could have gotten away at the start, but their friendship was more important to me. I’m not so much hung up on my virginity being taken, I just didn’t appreciate it being treated like a display. We were all stupid kids, none of us probably knew what it would do to me. I told myself back then it didn’t do me any good to let it get to me. Not like reporting them to anyone would help me forget and give back what I lost. I should forget about it and move on. Little by little I managed.” He sat up with laugh, tears stained on his cheeks, “I thought I was better than this. I thought I was done letting it affect me.”

“No one should have to deal with something like this on their own. That’s not weakness.”

“May as well be. My boyfriend is sitting here pitying me.” _And I’m crying in front of you. Again._

“What’s wrong with me wishing I was there to comfort you and punch every last one of those assholes that made you cry?” Sousuke stood with fists clenched at his side. “I’m not questioning your masculinity back then or right now. Despite dealing with this on your own, you’ve always burned brighter than anyone. That makes you incredibly brave. And if I’m going to be the reason that makes you remember what you’ve buried, I… I can’t handle that.”

Rin turned away from his intense gaze, focusing on the remote, the table in front of his feet, anywhere but the eyes that revealed so much more hurt than the words that were uttered. “Then… what are you suggesting?”

“You need help.”

“I don’t want to go to a shrink. I know what my problem is, and yeah, I probably should have talked to someone about it back then. Going to therapy would go on my medical record and I don’t want that if I’m trying to get into the Olympics. All that will get me is more pity. Possibly disqualification for being emotionally unstable. _Clinically_ emotional.”

“What will you do if you don’t want professional help?”

“Deal with it like I have. Just need to find a new angle, I guess.”

The taller boy lowered back onto the couch next to him. “Will you let _me_ help you?”

Rin looked up at him through a curtain of hair, hint of a grin, “When did you get certified?”

“I’m making things up as I go. Really, Rin, this is something you should have told me when we became a couple.”

“When we talked about past relationships, I wasn’t lying when I said I didn’t have any. Unlike you, Mr. Popular.”

“I was figuring things out. Now I know maybe why you didn’t.”

“Didn’t have time to shop around and I think my teeth would have scared anyone away. Except for you, for some reason.”

“They’re not so bad once you get used to them.”

“Damn right! So. Anything figured out on how you can fix me?”

 

* * *

 

Sousuke’s healing method was likely one that a certified doctor wouldn’t recommend until after more psychological repair. They had reasoned that since Rin didn’t have reactions unless he was touched, the best way was to approach it head on. Due to Sousuke being the only one allowed to be intimate with him, well, his help was all that was necessary.

Several evenings were spent in the Samezuka dorm rooms in quiet and careful exploration over clothing. Rin couldn’t help but feel foolish through it all, being handled like a maiden too afraid of intimacy and copulation.

“I’m not scared, just scarred. I don’t want a bunch of fourteen/fifteen year olds to be what I see and think about when you fondle my ass or we have sex or something.”

They didn’t share the bizarre telepathy like Haru and Makoto, didn’t need to at that moment, it was clear with how Sousuke shook his head, a gentle smile, ‘That sounds like a fear, Rin,’ and continue to stroke his arms.

“Totally different!”

A smirk. ‘Whatever.’

Rin hadn’t let Sousuke climb up the bunk bed since they became an item. There was a time he’d complain about handicap privilege, but that meant sharing the bed with Rin and he wasn’t going to object to that. Being encased in Sousuke’s large frame didn’t trigger the unwelcome memories; it was the light touches on his bare shoulders when he wore his tanktops, the small of his back, brush of his foot against his legskins, or a breath just right on his neck that sent him back into the circle of boys and girls by campfire light. Which was strange as they weren’t all that gentle to him.

At first, Sousuke’s method lacked finesse; he was awkward in his size and strength in his execution. ‘What the hell, I couldn’t even feel that’ turned into ‘That was weird’ into ‘Oi, that friggen hurt, you big jerk!’. He wondered if the latter was done on purpose. At least the laughter kept the tension light.

Once a rhythm was established, he was able to sit, or lay (whatever was more comfortable), and focus on how Sousuke’s hands felt through his clothes, and then on his bare torso and swimsuit. He let the imagery of Sousuke being like a cloth, wiping away the residue of that night as if they were caked-on grime fill his mind.

Watching Sousuke do this was out of the question: the deep ocean color of his eyes made him feel small and vulnerable. The pain and memories hadn’t been constant, lasted maybe a month at best, he lost himself in training and his teammates acted like nothing was different and eventually things reverted to normal. He didn’t let it follow him the last three years and hold him back from anything. Aftertaste may have attributed a little to the bitterness in his sophomore year, but he got over that, too. It’s nothing that wouldn’t have happened eventually in some form if you’ve spent any time in a locker room.

Then again, Sousuke only showed this face to him. A face like Rin is precious and something worth protecting. He never could decide if he should feel sickened or touched by that.

...

More often than not it was touched, and he wasn’t very good about hiding this fact. You were supposed to be an open book to someone you loved, right? One day his romanticism would be the end of him.

“Sou?”

“Yeah?” Sousuke asked as they lay together on the bottom bunk.

“We’ve made good progress, but I want to wait until we’re in Australia before you touch me naked.”

“You sure? That’s still a month or so before our flight. ”

“I want it to be where it started.”

“If that’s what you want.”

 

* * *

 

Rin held his phone to his ear, wishing the line would pick up and at the same time it wouldn’t.

“Evening, Rin.”

Hearing her voice automatically tripped the switch in his head to speak English. “Hey, Lori! How’s it going?”

“Well enough. What about you? You still set to arrive on the twenty-first?”

“Yeah. I, uh, called to say I’ll have a plus one again.”

“Ah, is Haruka joining you at Uni?”

“No, actually. He is going to be more serious about swimming, though! But, it’s my friend Sousuke who is coming with me.”

“Sousuke… Sou-- oh, the one from Sano elementary, right?”

“That’s him. Will it be alright if he stays at the house, too, while we try and find a flat?”

“Any friend of yours is welcome here, Rin. I don’t know why you ask!”

“I _try_ to maintain manners.”

“That you do. You’ll have to fight over the bed or the pull-out, sadly.”

He debated for all of five seconds if telling her they’d be sharing the bed would be a good segue into telling her they were more than friends. Probably not. The hesitance he felt with the ringing of the telephone was for this reason, but didn’t want to alarm her with what someone could find obscene. “We’ll settle that with a throw down.”

“Unless you don’t mind sharing.”

Did… did she just... No, she was joking, just like that wink at the dinner table with Haru.

“I’d hate for you to break something in this throw down,” she clarified through the silent stutter.

His mind went to a different place at that statement for a moment and then back-peddled. Apparently the bed situation would be the way. “Is Russell around?”

“Let me-”

“I’m here,” came the deeper Australian drawl. Lori sighed.

“... How long have you been there?” Rin asked.

“The whole time. I saw your name on the ID upstairs, so I picked up. Kept quiet; didn’t want to intrude. What’s up?”

 _And yet you_ … “You two are of the few people I know that still bother keeping a landline.”

“If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”

“Right. Anyway. I just wanted to tell you something before I got there. So you’re not shocked: Sousuke and I… we’re dating.” He waited, and there was silence. Was dating not a good term? ‘Boyfriend’ was weird to say when they both were boys. Had he read them wrong all along and they were disgusted? “I understand if it's weird. We can stay somewhere-”

“We’re so happy for you!” Lori blurted.

_What?!_

“With how you spoke of Haru, we thought that you were leaning towards blokes,” Russell said, a hearty, comforting laugh.

Yeah, with how much he talked up Haru, he probably _did_ sound like an infatuated idiot. Maybe at one point he had a thing for Haru… nah, that guy was weird. Water and Makoto were the only things he could focus on.

“And with that period where you were trying to find yourself, we thought you were trying to figure _other_ things out,” Lori added. “We weren’t going to press you, of course. We’re so glad that you could come out to us. Good for you!”

That Night probably did confuse his sexuality to some degree. He couldn’t say he had a preference one way or the other, or given much thought to it, something just clicked with Sousuke and it felt as natural as swimming. Didn’t help Sousuke upped and kissed, making his feelings known. One night amongst Samezuka guy talk, he did remember admitting he found girls shapely hips to be appealing. Lame and superficial, really. Sousuke had nice hips… “It’s cool for him to come, then?”

“Of course! We’d love to meet him. Unless you aren’t that serious. Are you serious?”

Heat crawled its way to his face. “L-Lori… We’ve only been dating for a few months. Been friends forever, but.”

“I just wanted to know what sort of impression you wanted to make. Meeting the parents can send a message.”

His own mother wasn’t necessarily appalled or pleased about the relationship. If anything, just needed time to adjust to it. “Casual for now, okay?”

 

* * *

 

The two young men arrived at the house in the evening of the twenty-first. While Sousuke’s height wasn’t anything special amongst Australians, being Japanese left Russell and Lori gawking at him on their doorstep and didn’t have issues giving snide remarks towards Rin’s lack of height. “Pardon me for being normal sized!”

Once luggage was deposited into the guest room, they sat around the dinner table to pork barbeque, catering to Sousuke’s preference of the meat and a different flavor than back home. Rin didn’t need to worry about translating much of his home-stay parent’s conversation. A few words here and there, but Sousuke proved he knew enough to understand, if a little slow and rusty of accent to conjure a response.

For the next few days they bused and walked around Sydney for prospects for a place to live, weighing options of price, distance, amenities, if it was worth moving in with a bunch of other guys and hiding their relationship just to save some dollars. At a moan and a head to table _thud_ during a brainstorming session, Lori poked her head in.

“I know it isn’t the ideal bachelor life, but you boys are welcome to stay for the semester or longer. Whenever something opens up.”

Other than losing some privacy and a sense of independence, it probably was the wiser choice. Both could get jobs to save up for a deposit. Their shared space would still be bigger than some of the shoddy places they were considering.

“You wouldn’t mind?” Sousuke asked. Rin kicked his foot for not consulting him first.

“If you help out around the house and run me some errands every once in a while. The commute to Uni isn’t the best from here, though.”

A pleading look, a look of ‘I am so tired of doing this, can we just take the easy way’, Rin surrendered. “We’ll make it work. Thanks, Lori.”

 

* * *

 

The plan had been to wait until they moved into a place of their own. Knowing they were together, Russell and Lori were mindful of their space and as soon as their door closed for the evening, did not disturb them, only knocking in the late hours of the morning if they had not awoken. Grateful for that, even turning scarlet at Russell’s offer to use the supplies in the bathroom if they needed them, Rin couldn’t help being embarrassed over it. Maybe it was because they hadn’t _quite_ crossed that threshold as the reason for their closed door.

One night they were left alone.

As Sousuke worked his hands on him, being in the room where he cried over conflicting feelings of violation, he wouldn’t have had it any other way. It brought him back to that night and Sousuke was here to make it go away. This was how it was supposed to feel - experimental, yet steady, assuring, careful.

“Sou,” he caught his breath from the high after sweet release, Sousuke cleaning up after his handiwork.

He tossed the tissues in the waste basket on the side of the bed. “Hmm?”

Too long he’d left Sousuke visibly neglected, and this particularly stimulating session, it was obvious he was trying to hold back. He’d have to be blind to not notice.

“We’ve been going about this all one-sidedly.”

“With good reason.” A shift of Sousuke's legs attempted to obstruct evidence.

Rin reached over with a foot and kicked his leg. “Martyr.”

Wide shoulders shrugged.

“I want to be fair.”

“And I’m taking care of you. When you’re better we’ll talk.”

“This was the final step.”

Teal eyes and heavy brow narrowed, scrutinizing his claim.

“I’m to the point that I need to make the situation different. We’ve recreated the best we could. I didn’t return the favor to my teammates.”

“You wanted to?”

“Hell no, I just-”

“Stop.”

“You’re thinking too much! I know I froze for a second -it’s expected- but I’ve gotten better overall, right? This was always going to be the hard part.”

“Better, not recovered.”

Stubborn and finalizing were his words. On one hand his devotion to the task was endearing, on the other it pissed Rin off that he was having such a one track mind. Was it so wrong to want to reciprocate? He slid back on to his elbows, “I’ll bottom.”

His head turned, eyes alert.

Bingo. Sousuke was still in ‘help Rin, forget about myself’ mode. Penetration would serve them both and Sousuke certainly wasn’t going to be the one to suggest it. Or he figured Rin’s hand simply wouldn’t relive and to that he felt a sting of annoyance at that inner speculation. Either way, there was no way the hormones in the room were going to go away on their own.

“Wouldn’t that be too extreme?” voice all stoic, but Rin could see how tantalized by the offer he was. If that Night hadn’t happened, they wouldn’t be having this conversation now or two months ago when Sousuke took more initiative.

Rin didn’t want to make him wait any longer. He wanted this. He needed this. He was ready. “I said I need to change the situation. You’d have a one-up against them in this case.”

“I better have more than a one-up.”

“You’re right; I didn’t have to beg them when my pants were already down.”

There was hardly a moment’s hesitation before he latched on to the bait, whatever resolve he had broke, or Rin was that much of a temptation. He grabbed the bottom of his shirt and hoisted it over his head and Rin very much considered asking him to do it again so not to miss a single movement of how his arms came undone from sleeves and mind his bad shoulder and the shifting of his muscles. Shirtless and swimming were one in the same - wide shoulders, chiseled chest and abs was not a new sight, but watching him undress was something Rin hadn’t come to fully appreciate until he was the only thing to pay attention to in the room and, _damn_ , was it weird to admit the shoulder brace kind of hot? Oh yeah… a physical therapist was the next thing to find and-

“Oh. Are you going to be ok-” He was silenced by Sousuke’s mouth on his. Maybe it was better not to bring it up; Sousuke didn’t want to be treated delicate anymore than Rin did. He couldn’t help but find the irony in him suffering from a mental trauma and Sou from a physical. And how lame it was that he hadn’t lost his own shirt, yet. Sousuke seemed to also be bothered by this and removed it without breaking their lips. _Damn_.

At first his touches were cautious, as if the closer proximity and heated moment brought back the unwanted responses they had sought to repair - A brush at his hip, a stroke at his thigh, cupping of his ass - Rin did not recoil and that sparked Sousuke forward.

The skin on his own burned at the remnants and turned them to cinders, leaving behind a brand of Sousuke’s design. Nothing was left that could remind him of that night unless he purposefully willed it. All around him was Sousuke and all he wanted there to be.

Rin had learned over the years that Sousuke approached most things like swimming: straight, controlled force, and as accurate to form as what his body allowed, despite how laid back he appeared on the surface when not in the pool (other than directions, but that was something else entirely). At the permission of Rin’s body, the caution vanished and the quest to satisfy commenced. Sousuke confessed that the girlfriend he had his first time with wasn’t something he was proud of and gave off the impression he wasn’t going to elaborate, ever. With how his fingers spread and prepped him with the lube he wasn’t sure was his own or snuck it out of Russell’s supposed supply, Rin surmised he at least gained experience.

Experience didn’t always equate perfection, and Rin was grateful for Sousuke’s handle on things to make their first time together not a complete bumbling failure. Sex had to be weird with a guy after already having it with a girl.

It all ended too quickly and Rin attributed that to Sousuke taking too long to give in to what he wanted in the first place. He still came hard, uttering Sousuke’s name more than necessary, his lover not at all minding, probably finding it completely erotic as he unraveled under him.

The sound of their labored breaths filled the room, laying on the sheets in their own sweat and release and Rin really hoped there were some clean sheets in the linen closet down the hall. From his back, Rin rolled to his side and extended a closed fist towards Sousuke, a toothy victorious grin on his sheened face.

Sousuke shifted onto his good shoulder and extended the arm of his bad to bump their knuckles, a low laugh in his throat and it was so sexy with his post-coital glow and skin peppered in bite marks. It soon stopped as the hand came down to Rin’s cheek. “You’re crying.”

“No I’m not,” Rin answered reflexively and touched his eye and indeed he was leaking.

“You hurt?”

He’d definitely still feel Sousuke’s well-endowed member in the morning, wouldn’t regret it either, and he was never one to back down from a challenge. If he told him that yes, he was sore from a giant mass being shoved in his ass Sousuke would likely either A: back off for an undetermined amount of time or B: be a dick and plow harder on purpose. But that couldn’t be the reason for the tears. “No.”

Sousuke blinked at him, awaiting an alternate explanation, and then offered his own, “Are you thinking sappy thoughts?”

“N-- Yeah! So? What of it?” he lightly slapped at his chest with the back of his hand. “My boyfriend helped me get through some shit.”

“I don’t like being the reason you cry.”

“Too bad.”

**Author's Note:**

> This started out as something different, but then my brain was invaded by headcanons. Everything I touch becomes sad.
> 
> I’m a believer in more happened to Rin in Australia than we are shown. I blame lovely fics and doujins I’ve found. I also peg Rin and Sou as Bisexual. Will I write what went on with that girlfriend? Probably not, because I’m sure she was a manipulative bitch. But, I see Sou dating here and there, being way too nice and chill to say “no”. 
> 
> Anberlin is good SouRin music. The title comes from one of their songs and I think it fits a bit of Sousuke’s thought process.
> 
> You can also find me @mamodewberry on tumblr.


End file.
